Don't Follow the Path - Blaze the Trail - Part 2
I want to begin with some excerpts from Ecclesiastes 3, written by King Solomon:
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
God has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what He has done from beginning to end.
I hope you will forgive my minor paraphrasing and clipping sections from this passage. I didn’t do it to impose an unintended meaning on it. I think that my reflection on these verses and those around them are in keeping with the author’s intent.
As I indicated in my last blog, in grief, as in all of life – it is so important to recognize the hand of God in the directions we are encouraged to pursue. As King Solomon says: Even though we are eternal beings, in these human forms we cannot see the BIG PICTURE from God’s perspective, but if we trust, and listen closely, we can always hear that ‘still small voice’ even in within the tumultuous storms that life brings.
Maybe you are like me, and your grief hasn’t followed the usual path or pace that might be considered ‘normal’. To that, I say, “Bravo, brave soul!”, for having the courage to blaze your own trail rather than trying to force yourself to follow a path that wasn’t created for you.
I will warn you – it is not the easiest thing to blaze your own trail. Sometimes you have to grab a weed-whacker and hack away at the undergrowth. Helps and supports and provisions are put into place in such a way that they will be able to provide for the needs of the majority. It is the very best that can be done because structures have to be built to provide the best help they can for as many people as they can. But… (you knew that was coming) if what you need doesn’t fall into the typical framework of provisions – you are going to have to ask for what you need – when you need it.
For me, that began with me sitting down and coming to terms with my reality and telling myself, “It’s ok! It’s good, and right, and timely that you are experiencing the pain and sorrow of your relationship loss now – nearly 2 years after Errol moved on.” I looked around and realized that it wasn’t convenient, but it was right. It is not ‘traditionally’ expected that someone begins to grieve a relationship loss so far beyond the event. The people who had been asking how they could help, on a regular basis, 18 months ago – were no longer doing that… and again, here is another big BUT – that doesn’t mean they weren’t every bit as willing to offer their support now as they were then. The only difference is, I had to reach out and ask for the support. I had to accept my vulnerability, and let others see it. I had to tell people what I was/am going through.
Let me reassure you – people will be willing to support you in whatever way they can. They may not understand what, how, or why you are going through what you are; but ultimately that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you are able to accept the love and support you need, and they are able to provide it. After all, even if we can’t see the intricacies of the tapestry we are part of: one thing we can be sure of is that love is the common thread that runs consistently through every single one, and if we can grasp firmly to that golden thread, we will find our way safely through.