Two Years to Start

Make that two years and three days.

Deep breath…

I almost convinced myself not to do this today. I sit here typing, and while I type I am hurting, and I am afraid, and I am insecure, and I am filled with doubt and all of those things are what almost kept me from finishing this first blog and posting it today.

I believe that I have experienced the things I have experienced and been given the gifts I have been blessed with because I am supposed to let the waves of pain, fear, insecurity, and doubt break against me while I reach out to others riding those same waves and wrap us all in the banner of Hope and Love that bolsters me.

So, I begin.

Two years ago, my eldest son, Errol left his earthly body to return to his true form and his true home. As the anniversary approached, I contemplated what I wanted to write on his Memorial Facebook page and that morning, after I shared brunch with my family, I sat with my laptop, at my place on the couch in our living room and I opened the page. I still wasn’t sure of what I wanted to write. I sat there, just waiting for inspiration and before my fingers even began clicking out words onto the digital page, tears began to trickle - not bitter or agonized tears – but Love tears... tears that flow when you are faced with something so profound and special that it reaches to the core of you and draws out a raw, honest, and vulnerable response. I still didn’t know exactly what I wanted to write, but I knew with certainty that it was time. I could feel the presence of Errol and God as clearly as if they had snuggled onto the couch on either side of me, nodding their encouragement.

I have always known and identified myself as a Writer. I love using words to paint experiences, imaginations, and thoughts – knitting ideas together to bring understanding, encouragement, and inspiration to the reader. I have played at different projects – everything from fantasy fiction to lifestyle non-fiction sit in various states of completion in folders on my computer. Everything I have written until now has just not felt like the work I was created to write. Over the past 2 years, both Errol and the Spirit of God have been whispering insistently to me that this is the story I came here to write. The experiences of my life and my gift have come together at last, and I am finally ready to begin.

I have named the blog where I will begin sharing my story, “Blazing Trails” – I suppose there is something from my ‘wild western’ past that name appeals to, but more than that, it speaks to two of the foundational principles of what I want to share:

1. Blazing – I choose this word because I believe we are created to shine and shine brightly.

2. Trails – I choose this word because I believe that the best approach to any situation is the one that is uniquely yours so I encourage you to follow your own path.

3. I had originally thought to call the blog, “Blazing Trails through Grief” – I dropped that last phrase because, while I am going to focus heavily on living in and moving through grief, I think that the insights I will share have a much broader application – to everyone, in any situation.

And so, I have begun. I will be posting here at least once a week and I will be sharing my experiences, insights and I hope you will choose to Blaze my Trails with me.