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Where Did She Go?

A few weeks a friend posted this on her Facebook page:

“ I started calling that girl back; The girl who loved living,

the girl who danced instead of walking,

the girl who had sunflowers for eyes and fireworks in her soul.

I started playing music again, hoping she would come out.

I started looking for beautiful moments to experience,

so she would feel safe enough to show herself,

because I knew she was in there, and she needed my kindness

and my effort to come to the surface again.”

By S.C. Lourie

@ Butterfliesandpebbles

When I read those words, my soul wept. I remember that girl. Do you remember the child that was you? Do you remember dancing in the sun just because it felt glorious? Do you remember having the confidence and freedom of spirit to wear your princess dress and tiara to the grocery store because you just knew deep in your heart that you were royalty?! Do you remember the idyllic games of pretend where your dolly-children and your BFF-husband were eternally healthy and happy in your sunshine and rainbows reality?


<deep sigh>


I remember her and I miss her! When I responded to my friend’s post with those words she suggested that I begin playing ‘peek-a-boo’ with her to see if she would come out and play.


Life is full of synchronicities. Very often small things, like this lovely little poem are dropped onto our paths at exactly the right time. Long, long ago God covered the ground in the Egyptian desert with mana to feed her starving people. She has not stopped dropping those breadcrumbs. Keep an eye open and an ear cocked to grasp the light brush of your creator’s lips as he whispers blessings into your life.


Since the day that I read that poem, I have reached into the dark recesses of my serious, injured, grown-up self to clasp the mud-smeared hand of the little girl that has been hiding there afraid of ridicule and injury for all these years.


Since receiving my friend's advice, when I am particularly tired and beaten down from my day and face the exercise session, I know my older body needs to stay healthy, I close the door to the spare room where our Virtual Reality computer sits and I strap on the headset. I look through the play lists for songs that make my heart sing. I throw myself into the music and the movement and soon that little girl has taken my place. Her arms fly without effort. A smile fills her face and by the time she is covered in sweat, she is suppressing gleeful giggles!


On my recent visit to Calgary my childhood friend and I indulged our inner imps by beginning our days with yoga ahead of coffee. Still in our pajamas, we welcomed the new days with peace, serenity and kindness for ourselves. One day we let those little girls have full rein as we ordered ice cream sundaes in sprinkle-covered waffle bowls for lunch!


After a quick lunch one day at work I stepped out into a splendiferous fall day and strolled through the golden glory that surrounded me. I drew the crisp air into my lungs and I waded through drifts of dry leaves. I was inspired and uplifted by the music erupting from the rustling leaves. Later that night I wrote the poem that you will find after this post.


I am working at healing some of the hurts that chased that little girl into the barricaded panic room she was trapped in for too long. I am also making a conscious effort to coax her out into the light, playing peek-a-boo with her, showing her love and acceptance. I think all of us serious, injured, grown-ups could stand to remind ourselves that life is to be enjoyed! Sunshine is made to dance in. Piles of leaves must be jumped in. No one will think less of you if you laugh uncontrollably at a movie. We take ourselves and life far too seriously. Joyful playing is a life skill that ought to be cultivated. I dare you – be childish at least once a day!

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This life of mine has  given me many rewarding and challenging experiences that have led me to discover many unique perspectives that I feel compelled to share. 

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